


and i'm desperate to connect

by paopuleaf



Category: Blaseball (Video Game)
Genre: 12x100, Bitterness, Character Study, Gen, a lot of uses of the word fuck for a 12x100, copious forbidden knowledge (the shadows players), mentions of chorby short, mike townsend (derogatory), starts before season 1 and ends at the beginning of siesta
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-20
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-16 07:34:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29572551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paopuleaf/pseuds/paopuleaf
Summary: (and you, you can't live like this)"we're going to be amazing," robbins decides, arm looped around axel's neck as kit gestures. they're both in line for the ilb applications, within the crabitat's beating walls. "or, if we're not amazing, we'll be crabs, anyway."[a story about shadows players, and how to feel when you're always left behind.]
Relationships: Robbins Schmitt & Axel Campbell, Robbins Schmitt & Rush Ito, Robbins Scmitt & Jacoby Podcast & Squid Galvanic
Comments: 2
Kudos: 12





	and i'm desperate to connect

**Author's Note:**

> robbins uses kit/kits and vae/vaem, axel uses he/him, squid uses it/its, rush uses they/them, and jacoby uses they/them!
> 
> robbins, axel, squid and jacoby are all from the crabs shadows, while rush is from the dale shadows!
> 
> format from lewis attilio's real baseball short stories, on medium as @pigeonize, brought to blaseball by crookedsaint of crookedsaint fame!

"we're going to be amazing," robbins decides, arm looped around axel's neck as kit gestures. they're both in line for the ilb applications, within the crabitat's beating walls. "or, if we're not amazing, we'll be crabs, anyway."

axel ruffles kits hair, eyes scrunching at the edges. he's not quite smiling, but kits got him pinned, even as kit wriggles away. "don't get cocky."

"i'm  _ allowed _ to be cocky."

"you're allowed, and then you'll mess up, and you'll just be coming to  _ my  _ games."

robbins scowls, punches him in the arm. he laughs, apologizes, and they both sign their names away.

#

they're in the shadows.

robbins doesn't -  _ like _ the shadows. kit didn't sign up for this - maybe kit did, maybe kit missed something - kit didn't sign up for living in an empty stadium, with shadows that  _ reach  _ for kit, suffocating. axel didn't either, but he's fallen into the mantle a lot better than kit has.

it's season one, and things are normal, outside of here. kit can still leave, if kit's careful. kit watches the screens as jaylen hotdogfingers opens the book, gets incinerated on the pitching mound, and falls into ash.

kit doesn't leave the stadium again. can't. nobody can.

#

"we're going to get out of here." 

axel nods. "the shadows have to work in a certain way, probably. blaseball… works, a certain way."

"okay-" robbins shakes kits head, "no, no, blaseball's fuckin'  _ weird _ , now, you can't say that. jaylen got  _ incinerated _ ."

"we'll find out how the shadows work and get us all out of here, then." 

"you gonna do that all by yourself?"

" _ obviously  _ not, robbins, you're here. there's others." a pause. "probably."

"probably." robbins takes steps away from the wall, watches as a shadow peels off and reaches for them. "... better hurry up, then."

"doing my best, y'know."

#

"what  _ happened-  _ axel!"

it's season four. maybe. axel stumbles into their room with his hands pressed over his eyes, collapsing into kits chest and shuddering. "the shadows," he says. "can't see."

"you fucking idiot, i hate you," robbins hisses, even as kit carves an eye into the table beneath them, even as kit wraps bandages around his head and the holes where his eyes used to be. "i hate you, i can't  _ believe _ you-"

"i know." kit can barely hear him over the rush in kits ears. the eye on the table opens, looks around, stiff and wooden. "i know."

#

they carve eyes into every surface they can. robbins borrows thread from another player they come across, lose. sews eyes into kits jacket, lets axel see through kit. the shadows give him the  _ blessing  _ \- (the word spat through gritted teeth) - of eyes tattooed into his skin, eventually, but he still watches through kit.

getting out together. something like that.

robbins trips into the shadows between two vending machines and comes out dripping with them. pushes it off the best kit can, fights it every step of the way. kit's  _ not  _ axel. kit won't be.

the shadows can't keep them there. 

#

mike townsend retreats to the shadows. jaylen hotdogfingers is resurrected.

robbins feels a little sick. if kit knew how to reach out, kit would, but kit's  _ stuck  _ here, and - if the other shadows are stadiums, maybe kit needs to… play.

kit spends days pitching to no one, balls hitting the fence, before the field around kit changes. the eyes on kits jacket open, curious.

miami isn't seattle, but  _ god,  _ it's a start.

"hello?" someone whispers, and kit turns on kits heel to see an unfamiliar person in a dale jersey. "i'm rush, and- you're a crab?"

"yeah- pretty sure, anyway."

#

kit never makes it around to seattle, but that's okay. kit's in baltimore when it matters, and when it matters is when axel's entire body freezes, shadows leaking from beneath his bandages. 

"somebody's out," he says, voice echoing, not his own, "we can get out, robbins. chorby short, on the- yellowstone magic, now. we can  _ get out. _ "

robbins grins, teeth bared, and wipes at axel's face. "it's a shot." kit buries the bitterness, pretends like kit's happy for short. kit should be. "do you think the crabs tried? to get us out."

"i don't know. hope so."

"huh. me too."

#

"the dale isn't popular enough for shadows stealing," rush tells kit, voice still a whisper. "i'm living with it. lee's nice. our stadium is nice."

robbins tries not bristle. "the shadows, don't they bother you?" 

it's season nine. the elections talk of shadows theft, and the fans talk of  _ mike townsend.  _ townsend hasn't been there nearly as long as the rest of them. his story isn't tragic, it was  _ his  _ fucking  _ choice _ to come here.

kit wants  _ out.  _

"not really," rush continues. "i think it's okay, if we're not incinerated. we're alive."

"you call this living?"

"living enough to me."

#

axel is too busy dealing with the new shadows player to fight with kit.

that's  _ fine.  _ it's  _ fine.  _ he's always fucking busy nowadays, and robbins can climb up to the rafters of the stadium and stare out at the empty black sky any fucking day kit pleases. squid galvanic. blaseball forcing more players to suffer because the crabs won't get them  _ out.  _ because nobody cares.

kit digs kits claws into kits palms. it's  _ fine _ . kit'll say hello later. probably.

mike townsend got out. mike  _ fucking  _ townsend. because everyone loves him. because they love who they know.

and kit's still here.

#

season ten, and the crabs ascend.

they leave their newest shadows player behind, of course. and their older ones. robbins carries jacoby podcast around, a little guy in a tape recorder, and lets them record, report on what's happening. it's the clearest news they've gotten in the shadows in years.

"robbins! guess what," they say, cheerful.

"what?"

"mike townsend is back in the shadows!"

the bitterness comes seeping into kits throat again, but kit swallows it down. (maybe not.) "they shoved him back in here  _ again? _ "

"yep! kinda sad, right?" jacoby frowns.

"sure."

kit doesn't think to visit, this time.

#

squid drops kit in the shadow crabitat's aquarium tank. robbins drags squid out to the rafters and laughs as it falls to the grass with a soft "ouch," no harm done. axel's still not talking, but squid and jacoby break up the monotony, with their radio and pranks and  _ hope. _

it's weird to be around people who still think there's a chance of getting out of here. robbins doesn't mind as much as kit thought it would. kit takes jacoby to meet rush, squid to meet thomas marsh. 

it's the first time kit cracks a genuine smile since season three.

#

"axel."

axel meets kit on the rafters. they sit, and robbins grabs his hand, tightens kits grip. "it's siesta, right? can you stop fucking _working_ for a second and- be axel? be my friend, again?"

"i thought you wanted to get out of here," he says, and it's faint. far away. 

robbins laughs. it's rough, but kit can't  _ stop _ . "we're- we're  _ never  _ getting out of here."

"we can try!"

"i want you to  _ stay _ ! i would rather fucking- have  _ you _ here then keep trying."

"i-" he runs his thumb over the back of kits hand, once. "alright, robbins. okay." 

stays.

**Author's Note:**

> i... love them  
> you can find me on tumblr @ catboydeicide. Please Ask Me About These Bitches I Love Them So Much


End file.
